I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
