I cannot find my penis.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
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just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
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I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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