life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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