Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
