The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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