You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
