I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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