you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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