Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
