Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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