I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
