I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
