Me too!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
