I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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