Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
