Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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