Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
