please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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