I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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