so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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