glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
