You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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