No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
