he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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