How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
