just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize