we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
