The maid of honor just puked.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
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I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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