oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
