I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
