I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
