She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
