so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
