You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
