Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
