Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
