Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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