They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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