his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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