ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
