I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
