I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
there is glitter all over my balls
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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