that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
