saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I need a burrito and a hug.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
