eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
