did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
