dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
