This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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