OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
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Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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