You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
