Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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