go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
