that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
