I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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