Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
