i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
