I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
