My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
