I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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