every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
