M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
