Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
