so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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