i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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