using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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