So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
