I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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