quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Naked. naked and bneed help.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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