Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize