your parents love me but you hate me
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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