Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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