Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
