I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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