she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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