I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
