i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
