well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
