i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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