I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
