Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
