Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
