they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
