I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
